Save me (by Shraddha Pol)

What makes a person heartless ? Is it that the peope who are heartless do not have any feelings ? Is it appropriate to "label" them as cold ? These questions make us wonder whether the perception we make of these people is right or wrong ? Is being mature and being heartless connected ? Well, there is a thin line that seperates these two different concepts. People who are strong always have to keep their guard up because they cannot reveal their vulnerability to anybody. Being mature is like accepting an apology you never received and forgiving a person when not asked for forgiveness. That is what makes a person mature. Being cold is when you have buried down the feelings somewhere deep down in a crevice wishing them to never surface ever again. The now heartless people are the ones who once had a huge heart filled with kindness and compassion towards others but when its repeatedly stricken with despair, that is when it loses its tenderness and becomes stiff instead. They do not want to be seen at their worst which is why they always put up a smiling face. They do not want to explain the reason of their sadness because they know that people would not understand. They are like an open book. Can someone really see into their eyes as though they were open doors to their life ? Cold people become suddenly ignorant towards the concept of LOVE. They stop believing in themselves, the world and are constantly under the impression that someone will come and hurt them. This happens because they have faced the howling wind of betrayal many times. Other pople feel that they are alone, but when asked, they say otherwise. They are never alone because lonliness is always with them. They believe that the world is full of monsters with a faćade of friends. It initially starts with the ignorance for love and steadily that ignorance develops into fear, fear of being loved because they know that betrayl is surely to follow. Even they wish to be saved from their lonliness, even they wish that someone would come for them, become their saviour and show them the light. But it never happens. They do not get saved. And when they acknowledge the fact that their saviour doesnot exist, they begin to become evil. They do not bother themselves if anybody leaves them because according to them, eventually everyone does leave. Often such people are judged and labelled but you should be careful because you are judging them on what they have chosen to show you. This is the proposition made by a person who has faced all of this and is still facing. What should she do ? The answer lies next but that answer is not enough. She is begging to wake her up inside, to call out her name and save her out of the doom. Is there anyone who can breathe into her and make her feel alive, feel real ? Is there anyone who can bring her to life ?

I am still waiting for you (by Shraddha pol)

Waiting for someone to come back to you gives you nothing but endless "wait". She is under the impression that he will come back to her. Silly her, she does not know that he will never come back but still she has that one ray of hope deep down her heart that some day he will. She is such an unabashed optimist that she believes he will and one day finally she will have her share of happily ever after with her one and only. And the wait finally ends. One day she gets a call from an unknown number and according to her habit she ignores the call. It is said that destiny knocks on your door only once but that day even destiny decided to give her another chance and so the same number flashed again on the screen of her cell phone and perhaps it was the play of fate that she picked up the call and the conversation began with the pleasentaries of hello after which she heard the person say his name. And the name she heard sent chills down her spine. She could not believe her ears that it indeed was him. He asked her how she's been to which she reverted that she's been good. After few more pleasentaries he aksed the one question she had been waiting for like forever and the question was would she like to meet up with him. She sprang in the place where she was standing but stayed calm on the fone and told him that she wont be able to make it because of prior committments. But he was determined to meet her and she too eventually gave in and they decided to meet up on a sunday at a nearby café. She was impatiently waiting for sunday to come. Finally the day came with a lot of hopes and expectations. She got up early to get ready and look just perfect but decided that she would go a little late just to make him wait and to see his eagerness to meet her. She left a good 20 minutes after the time that was decided to meet. After reaching there, he was eagerly waiting her arrival as she had wanted it to be. She apologized for the delay and their talk began. She asked him the reason for the meet. Now it was his turn to talk. He began by saying, "I do not know how to say this to you but i really wanted to apologize for the way i behaved few years back that i just asked to stop talking to me knowing that you loved me. I really should not have done that and for that i seek your forgiveness." She was left speechless because she did not see this coming at all. To this she reverted, "See you do not need to apologize for your behaviour. It was all in the past, just forget it." He was glad that she felt that way and then the time just froze. They engaged into a cherished talk and both of them did not know when the time came for them to part. When they began to leave they hugged. It made her teary eyed because that was the place where she wanted to be forever, in his arms. She wished the the clock would just stop ticking. Then when they parted he suggested that he'll drop her home to which she denied by saying it would be inconvinient for him but he remained adamant and she finally had to give in. In his car they sat and the engine revved. He asked her whether she would want to listen to some music on the way to which she nodded in agreement. He put up songs of his favourite band which happened to be her favourite band as well. After a few songs when she reached the button to reduce the noise, at the same time so did he and their hands brushed against each other. Both of them blushed at this gesture. When they reached near her home he stopped the car and both of them got out. They hugged again and bid each other farewell. When she was going, he stopped her and asked whether she would like to meet again. She said yes. She could not have asked for more. When she reached home she could feel herself on cloud nine. When she looked into the mirror, her cheeks were flushed red. She did not want the day to end but it had to because she had to wake up from the dream. It felt so real, she felt so alive that it became difficult for her to believe that she was dreaming. A dream for which she would have sacrificed anything for it to be true.

Diamonds (by Shraddha Pol)

Afuredasu DIAMONDO Hoo woo tsutai kirakira maiochiru Donna ni kanashii toki mo Kizusukanai tsuyusa ga hoshii to negau no These are the lines of one of my favourite japanese songs "DIAMOND" the literal translation of this is: Diamonds overflow And roll sparkling down my cheeks No matter how sad a time I wish for strength to not get hurt. These are clearly the words of an aching heart, a heart that yearns for the one which broke it, shattered it into tiny pieces so much so that there is no way in which they can be glued toghether once again. It makes us wonder sometimes that who is the bigger sinner ? The one who broke our heart or we who let them do this to ourselves ? Sometimes people are too cowardly to act selfishly or more apt selflessly. When you act selflessly and you get pain and despair in return you generally tend to shut out yourself and the barrier around you grows thick every single day. Life itself is a threatning image for every human being. Being strong in life is not that easy as it may seem. Only the people who have been through this phase in their life know what it takes to get there. The amount of sacrifices, the dedication and most importantly "letting go" of the hurting, ailing and aching things. Letting go is the most difficult part of this procedure. All you know is PAIN and SUFFERING and to survive is to find a meaning in that suffering. There are moments of relapse when you just feel like giving up. The worst feeling in the world is to love someone that you know cannot love you back. This feeling clenches your gut so tightly from inside that you feel dying would be a better option than to live like this. But unfortunately you have to carry this burden around your neck unless and until you learn to let go. You start moving around with a fake smile plastered onto your face beacuse if you reveal your broken self, chances are people would not understand you. Does it not sound cruel that fate brings two people together only to remind them that they do not belong with each other ? That they have no future with each other ? Is it really true that the people who are broken on the inside can be fixed by the person who broke them ? Is it really that we cannot love anybody else because our heart, our love belongs to the one who shattered it ? So many questions and yet the answers are so scarce.

Vulnerability And You (by Shraddha Pol)

Vulnerability And You:

 

What is vulnerability ? It is when you are exposed like a nerve in front of the thing that threatens you the most. In order to save ourselves from its grasp we try many hacks which we think to our sweetest misconception, would act as a shield against the factor that makes us vulnerable.Every person is gullible to one or the other thing, object or a person in their lives (mostly a person). Oops !!!! that does strike some teeny tiny bit of that wrecking cord of our aching heart does it not ? Everybody has some or the other factors relating to "the person" that leaves them at their worst. That person could be anybody ranging from your family member right to the one who captivates a special place in their heart. "Heart" is that organ in the body which pumps blood in the body biologically and is responsible for most of the emotional trauma philosophically. A person who has suffered an emotional breakdown generally tends to be vulnerable because of the attachment that he or she has with that significant other. The person who is suffering can be a total wreck !!!! ranging in the intensity of the damage done. When the splicing occurs (emotionally), the bleeding becomes inevitable in the form of crying, cursing the person or more importantly themselves for being the utter foolish the person made out of them. Everybody wants to get saved or save themselves from the nothing that they have become !!!!